Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize