Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i love accidental penises.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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