do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
