I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize