haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
