Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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