I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
