You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
