My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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