im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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