I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
