her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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