Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
