Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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