just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
