well you can't waste a boner
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize