she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
