12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
