He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
