4 words: hood of his car
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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