he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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