I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
