only if we run a train.
done.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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