I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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