you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
