sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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