tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
