we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I stole a fireplace last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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