i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
