i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
