I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
