It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
