I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
