Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize