There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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