I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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