TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize