who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
