i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
