So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
