You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
