I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
