I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
