I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
