I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
