Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
