Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
