So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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