I heard we made out
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize