I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The power of my boobs compel you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
