I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
