im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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