stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
