Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
