does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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