You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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