youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
