Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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