I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
