how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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