I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
