I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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