can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
honey bunches of taint.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
