Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
