My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
