Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
