you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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