I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
