my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
