the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
