i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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