the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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