dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize