Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
