Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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