my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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