The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
