Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
